April 13, 2011 was the day Litmus disappeared. We were in Puerto Princesa with Filbert’s family at that time, for a vacation we’ve planned eons ago. Because no one was home, Fil and I entrusted our cats to Dave, who agreed to drop by our place everyday to feed the cats and clean their poo.
How did it happen? By accident. The door was left opened, and Litmus got out. Because she was scared of most people and usually responds to me alone, she was not ever found. When we got back from the trip, we quickly had her pictures printed and given out. Maybe a good Samaritan found her and took care of her temporarily. Maybe she’s just out there having the time of her life and will come back soon. Maybe someone kidnapped her. Maybe, maybe, maybe…
I used to cry every night about it. Thinking of her, missing her. There is no closure. And I feel guilty for leaving her behind, for not saying a proper goodbye. I feel really bad because wherever she is now, she must have thought that I abandoned her and chose to let her go. And I hope that she is alive today, making another person happy. I hope that she didn’t drown when the heavy rain came. I hope that no other cats raped her or killed her. I hope that she was not hit by a car or tortured by bad people.
There came a time when I refuse to think about her at all. I just don’t want to think about loving someone again because they will just disappear. I don’t want to miss her cling and her weird facial expressions. I refuse to remember her musky smell and her dislike for baths. I don’t keep her “I surrender mode” and her stubbornness of wanting to eat chicken in my mind. And all the while, I keep on praying and asking God to stop punishing me and to give her back to me.
Last Thursday, out of nowhere, our neighbor opened the small gate and in came a scraggly kitten. Dark and dirty, it went straight to me and rubbed her face against my legs. I went in the house and Fil opened the door and she followed me inside. Though there were older cats in the house she didn’t complain. During our rehearsal, she slept on my lap, purring contentedly.
We named her Samantha. That’s my favorite name in the world. Why? Because it can also be Sam-sam, Sammy, Mantha, Samantha-ray, and wissssss wisssss wisssss. God sent her to me to fill the seemingly bottomless hole that litmus left. Did i just replace Litmus? No, it is not the same, not the same at all, but slowly, the hole is being filled.
Sam-sam is fond of sleeping on our lap. She purrs a lot, and she is not a complainer. She eats a lot, and poops/pees everywhere. We are in the process of toilet training her. Next week, we plan to give her a bath. Her doctor said she needs to get use to her new environment first before we do so, and I need to buy a hairdryer for her. Happy days are here again!
Date: September 13, 2011
Sam-Sam as we fondly call our new cat is super active and kulit. And as of this afternoon, we discovered that Sam’s a “he” and not a “she.” Waaaaah!