Lately, depressing things have been happening to me, things that would make the old me feel like committing suicide.
1. Weight gain and lack of desire to exercise. I do not eat much, but I love to eat. I don’t do enough physical activities but I get tired of my excess weight.
2. End of our TV hosting gig. The show will go on, but Fil and I decided to quit because it was only a labor of love. We weren’t being paid to do it, and we believe one season of experience and exposure is enough for a job that’s TY only.
3. Opportunity loss in a business deal. Fil’s cousin and his family are migrating to Canada and were supposed to let us buy their booming tutorial business in front of Xavier, but when we called them back after two days, they were already talking with someone else.
4. We were excited with our kindermusik classes in makati hope. But during our demo day, only 7 students attended. So far, we only hve 13 enrollees, compared to 20 last year.
5. I was lookin forward to be the new directress of MHCS treble chorus. But when I went to their club fair last Friday, I found out that all except one of the old members are planning to quit, mostly because of the stress and demands of last year’s production, and only a handful were interested to join. I have to post an audition advertisement and make sure there will be at least 12 members else the entire group will be dissolved. Imagine, I haven’t even started yet and people were quitting already!
6. My estraged dad being sick, needing our help, but refusing to leave his kabit. I can’t face him still. But I believe God wants me to do so. It’s so hard to be a Christian.
7. Our singing group’s membership attendance. We currently don’t have basses. And the attendance of the members are erratic. I empathize with sir William and pray that he won’t quit on us.
8. Cash for our HK trip. This trip is very important for both fil and me because we plan to invest in things needed for business. But, because we only broke-even last summer, we don’t have enough money to buy what we need. So we took a loan, and we will also cash out our mutual fund investment for this. This makes me wonder if I should take an 8 to 5 job to make things work out instead of pursuing what I love to do.
Whew. After venting out I began to be comforted by these facts:
1. God will surely take care if me. If he cares for the sparrows or the fishes in the sea, why wouldn’t He care for His daughter?
2. Some burdens are better left with the husband. Let Fil work and let me be his supporter. Hopefully, after our hk trip, this will come to fruitition.
3. God has a purpose for all things. Maybe He is punishing me for an unconfessed sin, or maybe like Job, He is helping me develop maturity and character, using these things to draw me closer to Him.
4. Maybe God has a better plan for me. Maybe He’s saying NO right now to prepare me for somehing better.
5. Maybe God just wants me to trust in Him and rely on Him solely, not to myself or my own capability. And maybe God is reminding me to put Him first, and everything else shall be added unto me.
I often wonder, how come it’s so easy for other people to be rich and it’s so hard for me? Maybe it’s not meant to be?
As I write here, I am reminded and comforted by this song:
God is too wise to be mistaken,
God is too good to be unkind,
So if you don’t understand,
If you don’t see His plan,
If you can’t trace His hand
Trust His heart.
Living day by day by faith is hard, and at times, it causes me to stumble. Like right now. But I hope that I will truly learn to trust and have faith in Him.